stars, galaxies, time...

Disclaimer: the following thoughts are my own and written under no external duress. people reading it are forewarned of the possible cranial damage. I do NOT accept any responsibility for the medical implications.

my thoughts wander... but usually around the latest topic that i've been reading... it's hard to figure them out usually, more so when i've been reading more than one unrelated topics... especially if the combination includes 'a brief history of time', a mills & boon-i-dont-remember-the- name-of and 'satanic verses'...

somehow everything seems so insignificant(book I)... if the universe is so big, and earth so small and insignificant, and we so much more smaller(me being smaller than average doesnt help... :-( ) it seems ridiculous to go about putting in so much effort into something that is so ephemeral... it's impossible to know if a tiny atom is really where we think it is... and we try to plan what we're gonna do in 5years! btw, that is one of my least-liked questions in an interview... going back to more 'universal' matters... stars... galaxies... blackholes... time...

i cant imagine the beginning of time no matter how hard i stretch my imagination... (which is pretty elastic... ) just a flash and our lives are done... some might say that that's a pretty depressing way to see life(for all i care (yawn))... but there's another view... if life is so inconsequential, things that weigh you down seem a little lighter... maybe things that worry me so much aren't worth all that time and concern anyway...(of course they're not... they go away as soon as i have my missed meal...) anything that went wrong doesnt seem to matter so bad...

i'm just trying to find explanations probably... i hate it when i cant understand something... i like being on solid ground and when something evades my understanding it's as though there's just frail glass beneath me and a gloomy abyss... and i'm not sure how long it's gonna hold...

it's weekend... ethnic day... 'supposed' to come in a saree... so i came in my brightest red cargoes... it's almost childish and i know that... but worth it... ;-) others make rules so i get to bend/break them... after all, there's a need for balance in the ecosystem...;-) and without me, the cluttered rules wouldn't leave any space for new rules...

enough rambling... got tons of work to do right now... :-(

friendship day...

it was 'Friendship day' yesterday... being my skeptical self, i dished out huge pieces of my mind to whoever who'd listen(or pretended to)... these greeting card companies... i wondered aloud about the millions they've pocketed on the way to enlightening us about how precious our friends are...

for my part, i've stayed away from the whole commotion... the first friend i thought i'd wish, curtly reminded that he didnt need me jumping around about senseless-sentimental-stupid 'friendship' days... and this from someone who hasnt been able to wipe the silliest i'm-in-love grin for the past several months...huh!... anyway, under threats of being called a wimp, i gave up any pretences of remembering the day and duly gave up the thought of calling up anyone else...

but it did feel good to receive sms'es from my other more 'normal' friends... though they said things like 'happy friendship day to you... people like you should be kept in a zoo'... i'm sure they dont mean anything hurtful and it's just that their stinted growth in things in general extends to poetry too... ;-)...

sometimes...

Disclaimer: Not an original... found on this internet blog...
http://www.twenty-something.net/
but reflects my thoughts...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I write these things when I shouldn't. Sometimes I don't understand how I should feel or even how I actually do feel. Sometimes I can't get over things, or I don't have the courage to speak up or say something. Sometimes things don't work out even if you plan for the worst. Sometimes I hate people. Sometimes I love people. Sometimes I think that I wanna die. Sometimes I wanna live, but in a different life. Sometimes there's things that you have no control over, even when you should. Sometimes people suck. Sometimes people don't know that they suck. Sometimes people know that they do suck, which makes them suck worse. Sometimes you love too much. Sometimes you don't love enough. Sometimes there's problems hidden under smiles. Sometimes there's smiles hidden under problems. Sometimes there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes there's a whole bunch of shit blocking that light to where you can't see it, and you're going crazy, and more people pull you back from walking out of the tunnel, and when you get away from those people, things and life pull you back, and then when you get away from those things and fix life, the people pull you back again, and then when you are finally on your way, you realize that there is no tunnel, there is no light, there is no God, and you're walking for no reason, your feet are sore, your shoes are falling apart and then you sit down to rest, and you realize that you are right back at the beginning of the stupid tunnel again.

So how have you people been?