my life at 45...

it was just another wednesday... no special blues like the dreaded monday, nor the high spirits of friday... just a stable, plain, wednesday... i woke up at 6... unlike those childish 20's when even 3mins of sleep seemed so precious, i found it easier to wake up now...

i rolled around to see my husband... still peacefully asleep... he would remain so for another half hour... until i came out of my bath to my ready cup of tea... the maid was a blessing... a miracle find after an endless train of incapable ones... she cooked, cleaned and stayed at our place...

a quick breakfast and tea later, my husband dropped me off at the bus-stop... and made way to his own office... the crowd had gotten larger and larger as years passed... but i didn't have to wait more than a minute before the next bus pulled up... it just took me 67mins to the office... yay!! lucky day!

the work that day wasn't too hectic... just a couple of hundred mails and half a dozen inane meetings... everything taken care of by 7pm and i was back home by 8:30... the husband called up to tell me he'd be late... some call or the other... a quick dinner that the maid conjured up was eaten and i hit the sheets at 10... thought i'd catch up on some reading... but before i could find the page where i'd last left off, i fell asleep...

just a typical day... somewhere in my sub-conscious mind, just before i really slept, i wondered what i'd be doing if i hadn't recalled my e-separation 20 years ago...

books, books, books...

a horribly hectic day... can't wait to go home and curl up with a book...

shopped at the strand today for FIVE books!!!
tagore's biography(lean hope of improving my history)
tales of saki(is the author male or female??)
moby-dick (better late than never!!)
out of africa (booker nominee this year)
love in the time of cholera (on my wish list for a long, long time)

and there's the library's
dilbert future (some light reading)
notes to myself (to help me figure out some confusing, thoughts in my head)

that's going to be my weekend...! interspersed with catching up with the friends visiting... mourning someone's anniversary... tutoring cousins... a little bit of TT & shuttle (if i can find some less inactive company than the ones i keep at home ;-) )...

no movie... no restaurants... certainly no shopping...(ok... just a little can't hurt...)

yeah, that's it... one more weekend... and plans that aren't meant to be kept...

ta ta!
happy weekend!

just another weekend...

the bright sun wakes me up at 8.30... one look at the watch, i throw the blankets off in a hurry... maybe i can still catch the bus... if i skip the breakfast... and the tea... the bath could wait until evening... maybe the late night brushing yesterday would hold for some time more... and then it hits me... SUNDAY!!! that's my favorite part... the hitting... i snuggle back into the blanket with a grin... back to sleep in 60seconds...

the phone wakes me up... it's 1pm... no exaggerations here... for skeptics, there is still a rare species that still manages to sleep >12hours a day or night...

once awake though, i get hyperactive... go around cleaning up everything... my idea of cleaning up though may differ from the others... for eg: if i see clothes strewn around, i pick them up and dump them in the cupboard, lean against it and quickly close the door, before anything pops back out... and then i go to the kitchen for a cup of tea...

"YOU WANT SOME TEA TOO???" i holler to deepa... she's trying to get her excels right for the 6th time... the supercomputer she's got from infy hangs every time she does anything more complex than add three numbers... or multiply two... she is trying to do some pivot tables... yeah, right... fat chance of that!!!

i prepare the tea... it has a unique flavor coz of the patented process i follow... maybe someday, i'll share the secret... okay, enough of eating and drinking... fast forward to 6pm...

we set out shoppping... walk to the JNC area... shop for hours... pants, skirts, jackets... a black dress i dearly wanted was vetoed... (deepa insisted they wouldn't let me inside infy premises... even on a friday...even if i paid the fine...")

dinner at 'coconut grove'... a highly brain-taxing menu... everything's in mallu, for heaven's sake!! but the food was delicious, not too shocking and we headed happily to dessert at a kwality walls place nearby... and then walked all the way back home... all the shocked stares kinda reminded us of the time... well past 10.30... envied the guys who strolled without a care... a mental note to put an ad for a boyfriend soon...

finally home... and some music and reading... oh, i did manage to read 'love in the time of cholera'... all of 68 pages... !!

so, that was a 2.78 starred weeekend... !!

health conscious...

i'm trying to get into the habit of writing a blog more regularly... until now it's usually been in Uzi-bursts... half a dozen in a week and then silence for quite some time... ok, here goes...

last night, with the stomach screaming in anguish, due to another missed dinner because the cook decided to call a strike, i ventured to the ever-green fridge... it looked almost empty... but a closer search revealed a packet of milk in the freezer... tugging it out of the freezer convinced me of its ice-age origins... i still wasn't sure how i would get its contents out into a more edible form... just as i was turning it around,

"that may be old... check the expiry date" piped a voice from behind...

neha... (the incurably health conscious roomie who secretly belongs to the cult who actually read the tiny script on every package)

"not again..." i muttered...

but she came around undaunted anyway...
"it is from the day-before yesterday, you know... and it's written that it should be used within 24 hours and then too, if stored at 4Celsius only..."

can you believe that??? no normal human would go about reading expiry notices for milk! and certainly not as if you would be grilled on the specs with life-threatening consequences...!

but then, that's hermione (harry potter ignorants are not expected to understand...) for you... and the above incident was more a norm than an exception... she has all kinds of suggestions...

"you should not eat white bread everyday... maida is not good for stomach, you know... that is why i eat only brown bread..." the ironic point ignored here was that during this discussion, i had a healthy ignorable stomach while she... well, couldn't claim the same... (more details will lead to me being murdered in my sleep tonight...)

then there is the amount of milk in tea we can never agree upon(loads of it for me... 2.54 spoons for her)...

ah! as exasperating as anyone could be!!

but infrequently though, she manages to get something right... like the most gorgeous laptop... an ivory white macbook...
the only reason i pretend occasionally, to be nice to her...

funny smell...

this happened a long, long time ago... when i was still in college...

i was in the library... now, don't get me wrong... i am not a member of the species bookus wormus... but the exams were on... and the library, with it's imposing shelves with untouched books created an uncomfortable environment which kinda helped me cram the precious pages into my head... besides, it was one of those subjects that i learnt for all of 3 days... never before that and never after that was i ever venturing near that again... 'strength of materials'... or something like that... i wasn't in the habit of buying every textbook on the list and so went to the library, as a last resort... even managed to locate the book amidst all the irrelevant ones... (i have still not been able to learn the logic behind the arrangement... probly coz there is none...) anyway, i settled down with the book, in the darkest corner i could find...

just as i had gone halfway down a page, i smelled something funny... not nice funny... disgusting funny... since the toilets lay just across the walls, i figured, people had stank up the place so bad, it was reeking through the wall... so i picked up the book, the papers, the biscuits, bottles, and the rest of the picnic basket and moved to the other end of the library... i settled down after some subdued commotion... and glares from members of the species, bookus wormus... (you know how noisy a packet of chips can be... especially when someone else is hogging them...)i had not read more than half a dozen lines when the smell was back... now, i panicked... i began to check out one thing after the other... since i walk quite a way, and you never know, nor want to know what's on the roads, i checked the underside of my shoes... thankfully nothing... i opened my bag and scrambled the things around for any left-overs from the last-sem that might have finally hit the critical-decay-point... again, nothing... and so it continued with every item around... finally, i was ready to give up... and the smell had gone down a bit too... or was i just getting used to it??... anyway, i decided to just ignore the smells and opened my book back... AND THE OVERPOWERING SMELL WAS BACK!

though i felt a little foolish smelling a book, i did just that... found to my enlightenment that it had been the book all along! seriously... the book was an old one... with pages coming apart at the seams and had recently been bound together with glue... the smelly glue whose side-effect was the fatal smell!! mystery solved by shirley holmes!!

with a grin that set me up a notch higher on the strangeness-scale, i finally settled down to assessing the strength of materials...

kleptomania...

a self-confessed hypochondriac... that's me! i have imagined myself to be afflicted with the whole spectrum of ailments possible... the knowledge of being a hypochondriac doesn't really count those weeks/months... though i have 'suffered from' fatal, serious ones, i am currently doing quite well... just a bit of bipolar disorder, but other than that, everything's just hunky-dory...

except the kleptomania... i seem to have gotten into the habit of walking away with any pen that i lay my eyes on! i recently set out to clean up my handbag(that will be discussed under a different chapter..) and found i had seven pens... and none that i remembered as belonging to me... there was saini's pen that i had picked up when he forgot it at the restaurant... another that i remember belonged to the guy who sat left of me at a client location, and a couple more pens of the template-kind, supplied by the client... and others, of more untraceable origins...

my affliction might have progressed unnoticed had it not been for the morning encounter with the boss... i had a meeting early in morning and after a lot of discussions and noting down points(with the boss's pen), it was time for me to leave... i did... halfway to my desk, i realised i was still waving the pen about... though i did consider depositing it in the handy handbag, i decided to return it... i turned around to find the boss...

"here's your pen!", i exclaimed with all the innocence of the guilty...
"Oh, thanks..." and then he remembered..."did you take my first pen too??"
i was indignant! how dare he accuse me of something so unjust! and replied...

"yeah, i guess so... ", i managed...making a mental note of the origins of one of the mysterious pens in my handbag...

Sakleshpur Trek

Disclaimer : This is the longest piece of garble i've penned... i mean, ever!... you should probly write a couple of hours off your life if you intend reading this... here goes... if you actually get to the end, please let me know... your opinion is very valuable to our company(sic)...

hey people!!

Since I had some time on my hands and my next meeting with the boss is quite far away, I thought it was time to pen down the last couple of days…they've been eventful. Probably the most eventful in a long, long time… Just like all the best things that happened, this began in a pretty unplanned way…

Happened to see some post regarding a trek somewhere… Saklespur... Never heard of it... Which isn't exactly a miracle coz my geography's pretty bad… Anyway, research on the net showed that it was a trek in the woods on the tracks. An abundance of leeches in the area and the slippery bridges and bat-infested tunnels sealed the decision. I was going! I needed some company, and deepa was quite easily convinced of an interesting trek. I also quite conveniently forgot to mention anything about the landslides, leeches, lack of accommodation (we even took along a charger to charge our cell phones in the hotel in Yedikumari). Between the both of us, we managed to be absent for every meeting that was held. Somehow managed to get the sleeping bags and backpacks. I even forgot to ask for the meeting place and time and Alok very kindly called up to inform me of the same…

We finally met up at the Enquiry Counter at the KSRTC bus stand…and boarded the 11:45pm Rajahamsa. To Mangalore… the conductor had intelligently chosen the last seats for us… and we were allowed to create havoc, in peace… the introduction rounds were held… Priyanka was established as the monitor of the team… I finally got to know who the organizer was… naresh was discovered as a potential spy (I still strongly believe Alok had something to do with Naresh's fall on the second day…)… Feroze seemed an Infy-frustrated guy… certainly not contributing to any ESAT surveys…there was Usha I knew from blogs… pallavi was yet to be discovered… asif, who who strongly denied being a cell-seller… okay, enough of half-baked intros… they'll introduce themselves as the story progresses…
I cant remember when I finally dozed off into sleep… the road wasn't too bad and I only woke up once we crossed sakleshpur… we were dropped somewhere… in the middle of nowhere, around 5:55am… we found our respective bags and vishal(our Columbus) went around looking for a railway track… once discovered, we set off in a procession… we soon came across and passed the Donigal station… after that, it was a pretty monotonous procession…it was 6:10… we walked… and walked and walked… there seemed to be nothing but never ending, ever winding tracks… it was pretty unexciting… I must confess, I had doubts if I should continue along… and the rocks on the tracks only made matters worse… I'm not really used to hobbling along on cobblestones… but the atmosphere was good… it was a cold, not chilly, morning… lots of dew everywhere…finally, after what seemed a long, long time, we came across a bridge and a stream.. we decided to eat something there… deepa and I made our way to the stream, threw off the shoes and socks and sat on the mossy rocks, with our feet dangling in the stream… we were deservedly admonished by Priyanka for such risky behavior… the water was pretty turbulent and could have washed us right off.. though we'd have to make quite a lot of effort to drown ourselves in the two feet deep water…

we cleaned ourselves up, had a breakfast of bread and jam… photographed some goat as if they were a rare, extinct species of sabers, and were finally on our way, again… deepa and I had a habit of rushing along… as the group was of 20 people, we tended to split into three groups… the onrushers, the intermediates and the back-benchers… and we were in the onrushers for most of the morning… we came across some tunnels… they varied in length from 80m to 572m… some were winding, some were straight… in one of them, deepa decided to check strength of the cement blocks on which the rails are laid… she accomplished this by kicking viciously at them… it was proven that they were strong… the side-effect though was that she stubbed her big toe… in the next tunnel, which was quite slippery, she managed to slip down and hurt her knee… after a couple of more accidents, she was thoroughly in no mood to be a party of the onrushers… we fell back to intermediates and finally to the back-benchers… balaji very kindly assisted us… he motivated her by pulling her along… we were already contemplating at this stage of ditching the whole trek and just catching a bus to Bangalore.. deepa was in no condition to walk and I thought I had had enough of railway tracks for a lifetime… we didn't have much of a choice as we later found out… it was hard to keep track of the time… it was always cloudy… it rained… you got wet… it stopped raining… you kinda got less wet… when it again rained… you get the idea…

we finally reached Yedikumari… a lot of ideas regarding the meaning were discussed… kumari of yedi, the young one of yediku and other equally improbable ones… I even managed to sell the most preposterous idea of a Crab-Princess (Yedi – crab, kumari – princess)… we never found out… anyway, it was a god-forsaken place in the middle of nowhere… any plans of running catching a bus and running away were put to rest… forget a bus, there wasn't even a road, no people, no chai-houses, and certainly no hotels to charge our cellphones…

Finally we reached the station… we were to camp on the platform… I'd thought someone was just pulling my leg when I first heard of that!! And even that wasn't so easy… We first had to ask permission off a very bad-tempered Station Master… all the kannadigas were quickly rounded up and sent to the station master to get butchered… (I somehow escaped notice ;-) ) there was a lot of screaming and shouting and other unpleasant noises while the station master established that he was the RajaKumara of Yedikumari and we were puny unwanted things encroaching his royal terrain… to cut it short, after all the noises, we were allowed to stay…

we unrolled the sleeping mats and got rid of the backpacks… I was so tired, I curled up and slept… I woke up to find the smell of food wafting in the air… vishal and shalini were cooking soup and the delightful smell awoke the me and the rumblings in my stomach… I doubt if we had had any lunch… maybe we had… I cant remember, honestly… anyway, I waited behind the cooks without seeming too ravenous… the first round of soup was grabbed away by the stronger people… I got mine only in the second round… then there was the bisibelebath… deepa n I had forgotten to bring any plates… we had a 2-ltr vessel though which served the purpose… under those circumstances, you cant really afford to be choosy about your cutlery!! So, we ate out of a vessel… so like prisoners… that was the dinner…finally, opened up our sleeping bags, and huddled together to sleep… I was lulled to sleep by Pallavi's songs… I love the way she bursts into a song with the least provocation… and such amazing voice too…!

Next thing I remember… someone waking everyone up… I opened my eyes to the green hilly rock right across the rails… lay there amidst the bustle, while people packed… finally got up and washed from the pipe that collected the mountain water… strolled along the rails for a little morning walk… it's amazing that a place like that still exists… so cold, so fresh… so green… there was this small quarters house… it had long since been abandoned… I could look right through its backdoor into the backyard and the yonder hills… everything covered in white fog… it was beautiful! Finally, we started off… deepa n I started early… given deepa's delicate condition ;-) … passed an orange truck on rails… there was a guy in the truck and I jokingly asked if he was going anywhere… he replied 'sakleshpur' and promptly revved the engine.. wow! A truck on tracks found during a trek…! More bridges… more tunnels… people soon overtook us… we suddenly came across a bridge which was so covered in fog you couldn't see where it ended! It was a most wonderful sight… we crossed it… and found a ramshackle house, a signal tower… asif climbed the tower and we stood on its steps(deepa, abhilasha, usha n i)… we've decided to caption it as 'charlie and his char angels'! more walking… everyone finally meet at some point… we munch on the theplas which are rationed out… this was the breakfast as I later discovered… then more walking… deepa's feet hurt too bad and we fall really behind… we bring up the rear… shalini's often found when we come around a curve… she's the other back-bencher… at one spot, we come across a caterpillar-crane… it's moving the mud back and forth… clearing the tracks from a landslide… we go in and get our photos clicked… pretending to be operating the monstrous thing… we then urged deepa to carry on and sat down at a bridge… I had been warned a dozen times by the track-guys that bridges were dangerous things and one should not stop in the middle of them… but the catch is that the best view is always from the middle of the bridge… across the stream, looking down on the huge valley, I forgot all warnings… the tracks curve very frequently and there's no chance of seeing the train before it's almost at the bridge… we were in the middle of some discussion… and didn't hear a thing coz we were sitting right next to a waterfall… and then we saw the damn thing coming… I turned… took one look at it… stood up, grabbed my bag, and ran… TOWARDS it! I know it qualified as the dumbest thing I've done until now… but I did just that… I ran right towards it… and then someone shouting behind me woke me up and I turned and ran the other way, across the bridge… to safety… with not too much time to spare… we set off again… found deepa somewhere… waiting for us… doubting if we'd gone ahead… vishal offered to walk along with deepa… alok and I walked ahead… we crossed a tunnel and stopped.. he suggested that we should go along as vishal would come with deepa… I insisted that I'd wait… so we decided to wait… on the bridge with a spectacular view… I peeked into the tunnel and saw that deepa n vishal had stopped for something… I thought he probably was showing her something interesting… and since alok insisted "hum wait karenge to yahin pe" we took off the bags and sat down… not more than a second later, out comes a monstrous engine, without any carriages, hence faster, right in our face… we grab the bags and run for our lives… again!... there were similar near mishaps… vishal was walking in front of me and I was absorbing the beauty around… didn't notice the broken plank in the bridge… I remember my feet right on nothing before stumbling into safety… but vishal calmed my jangled nerves saying that if I'd fallen through, my bag would've gotten stuck and I could've waited with a few bruises until someone pulled me up… comforting thought!

Others faced similar mishaps… naresh slipped on the rails, fell on the rocks and then into the waterway in the side… gagan, in high spirits went into the pool at the bottom of a water fall and came up covered head to toe in leeches… pallavi started walking on the outer end of a bridge, just a couple of inches away from a 200feet fall… a bunch of them were walking in a curved tunnel and before they knew it, were faced with an oncoming train…

There was the waterfall where we plunged in and had good back massages…

Finally it was tunnel 35… we took a diversion to the right… into the jungles… and started walking… it started pouring… that is the only word… it was as if someone were emptying a never emptying bucket of water over your head… I didn't really get to appreciate the beauty of the jungles… leeches… i found one crawling up my leg and totally lost all of my senses… I hopped around trying to get the thing off… I didn't even have the mandatory salt… someone very kindly poured the salt and got the damn thing off… after that, I concentrated more on my shoes than anything else… oh, there were the stones… the path was leafy mostly, with leeches crawling everywhere… the stones were covered in moss and slippery… lohith, an on-rusher, in an attempt to overtake me, got on to the stony path and slipped and fell.. with such a clamor that I was struck numb for five seconds… enough for half a dozen leeches to begin their crawly path up my legs… deepa fell once… I turned around to ask her if she was alright and fell too… but it was alright, nobody was seriously injured… vishal once had to leave us at a clearing to verify the path… and it was a nightmare… we had to stand at a place and the leeches starting crawling up… and since there were branches of trees overhead, leeches kept falling on to your arms and backpacks… and one was found on someone's head!... finally vishal was back and 3km of jungle finally took us to gondiya… we stopped at the local school… vishal and Priyanka cooked up some MTR and we had a full meal… more walking on the road and reached the highway…

Our plan was for all of us to catch a bus to blore if possible… seemed highly unlikely.. didn't see a single bus to blore… the next plan was to catch a bus to Kukke and then from there to Blore… Kukke is 22km from place but due to reconstruction and rains, a diversion of 15km had to be taken… we decided to hire a jeep to kukke for 300 bucks a trip… but the guy jumped up the charges to 500 saying he had to take a diversion… we then discovered that it would take 2.5hours to get to kukke by the new route which was awful… we considered Uppinangadi but inquiries at the shop told me that it was 40km from our current position and 60km to kukke from there… a total of >100km… so, it was dropped… we had Hassan to go to… but finally decided on Dharmasthala as there would be a lot of buses to Blore from there… to get to Dharmasthala, we tried stopping a lot of trucks… unsuccessfully…

finally the shop-keeper introduced us to a tipper-guy… talks with him revealed that there was place for 3-4 people(which turned out to be 2) within and the others would have to be on the outside… there was no covering if it rained… though it seemed hardly a grand prospect, we had no choice… we'd been waiting for quite some time and there wasn't a bus in sight… some people were less inclined towards the whole crazy idea… but I finally convinced them… insisting that there were no buses after 9 (it was already 7:30) and if we delayed we wouldn't find any buses from Dharmastala too… shalini and abhilahsa were promised seats on the inside and the rest reluctantly agreed to the clamber onto the tipper… finally, we asked the rates… he said 30 bucks per person… it was a 50km ride… though happy on the inside, I insisted it was too much… finally settled on 25… climbing posed a problem.. the tipper wouldn't tip and people had to be pushed and pulled… finally, everyone settled into the tipper… and we were on our way… it was the best roller coaster ride ever! Any muscles that had been overlooked on the tracks and jungles were pulled around now… but it was fun…The wing tearing in your face, the rain horizontally hitting you like little needles… everyone singing (or screaming)… it was over too soon… climbing down was as clamberous as climbing up…

finally we walked a little to the bus-stand… booked tickets for the 10:33pm bus… and were on our way back… we hardly slept due to the roads and the driver who insisted on keeping everyone awake if he had to stay awake… we reached blore at 6am… got on to a rick and were home by 6:45… there! That's the end of the Saklespur Trek without Sakleshpur!

---------
Saras

comeback...

it's been a while since i posted here... and when i came back, i couldn't come back...!! the password! i didnt remember it... of course i didnt remember it... i cant remember if i locked my room-mate in the house or out, had my breakfast 2 hours ago or two days ago... you get the idea... so, no wonder i didn't remember the password... i must have a hundred million passwords by now... one for gmail, the other for yahoo... shelfari, blogs, company-blogs, company mails...

savoring the time right now... worked until late in the night for the past coupla days... feels good to know there's nothing to do but laze around for a fortnight to come...

you know what... i can't really think of anything right now... guess i should just go back and read my 'curious incident of the dog in the night'... should give my brain the crank it so badly needs after all that boring, soporific work i've been indulging in...

stars, galaxies, time...

Disclaimer: the following thoughts are my own and written under no external duress. people reading it are forewarned of the possible cranial damage. I do NOT accept any responsibility for the medical implications.

my thoughts wander... but usually around the latest topic that i've been reading... it's hard to figure them out usually, more so when i've been reading more than one unrelated topics... especially if the combination includes 'a brief history of time', a mills & boon-i-dont-remember-the- name-of and 'satanic verses'...

somehow everything seems so insignificant(book I)... if the universe is so big, and earth so small and insignificant, and we so much more smaller(me being smaller than average doesnt help... :-( ) it seems ridiculous to go about putting in so much effort into something that is so ephemeral... it's impossible to know if a tiny atom is really where we think it is... and we try to plan what we're gonna do in 5years! btw, that is one of my least-liked questions in an interview... going back to more 'universal' matters... stars... galaxies... blackholes... time...

i cant imagine the beginning of time no matter how hard i stretch my imagination... (which is pretty elastic... ) just a flash and our lives are done... some might say that that's a pretty depressing way to see life(for all i care (yawn))... but there's another view... if life is so inconsequential, things that weigh you down seem a little lighter... maybe things that worry me so much aren't worth all that time and concern anyway...(of course they're not... they go away as soon as i have my missed meal...) anything that went wrong doesnt seem to matter so bad...

i'm just trying to find explanations probably... i hate it when i cant understand something... i like being on solid ground and when something evades my understanding it's as though there's just frail glass beneath me and a gloomy abyss... and i'm not sure how long it's gonna hold...

it's weekend... ethnic day... 'supposed' to come in a saree... so i came in my brightest red cargoes... it's almost childish and i know that... but worth it... ;-) others make rules so i get to bend/break them... after all, there's a need for balance in the ecosystem...;-) and without me, the cluttered rules wouldn't leave any space for new rules...

enough rambling... got tons of work to do right now... :-(

friendship day...

it was 'Friendship day' yesterday... being my skeptical self, i dished out huge pieces of my mind to whoever who'd listen(or pretended to)... these greeting card companies... i wondered aloud about the millions they've pocketed on the way to enlightening us about how precious our friends are...

for my part, i've stayed away from the whole commotion... the first friend i thought i'd wish, curtly reminded that he didnt need me jumping around about senseless-sentimental-stupid 'friendship' days... and this from someone who hasnt been able to wipe the silliest i'm-in-love grin for the past several months...huh!... anyway, under threats of being called a wimp, i gave up any pretences of remembering the day and duly gave up the thought of calling up anyone else...

but it did feel good to receive sms'es from my other more 'normal' friends... though they said things like 'happy friendship day to you... people like you should be kept in a zoo'... i'm sure they dont mean anything hurtful and it's just that their stinted growth in things in general extends to poetry too... ;-)...

sometimes...

Disclaimer: Not an original... found on this internet blog...
http://www.twenty-something.net/
but reflects my thoughts...

Sometimes...

Sometimes I write these things when I shouldn't. Sometimes I don't understand how I should feel or even how I actually do feel. Sometimes I can't get over things, or I don't have the courage to speak up or say something. Sometimes things don't work out even if you plan for the worst. Sometimes I hate people. Sometimes I love people. Sometimes I think that I wanna die. Sometimes I wanna live, but in a different life. Sometimes there's things that you have no control over, even when you should. Sometimes people suck. Sometimes people don't know that they suck. Sometimes people know that they do suck, which makes them suck worse. Sometimes you love too much. Sometimes you don't love enough. Sometimes there's problems hidden under smiles. Sometimes there's smiles hidden under problems. Sometimes there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Sometimes there's a whole bunch of shit blocking that light to where you can't see it, and you're going crazy, and more people pull you back from walking out of the tunnel, and when you get away from those people, things and life pull you back, and then when you get away from those things and fix life, the people pull you back again, and then when you are finally on your way, you realize that there is no tunnel, there is no light, there is no God, and you're walking for no reason, your feet are sore, your shoes are falling apart and then you sit down to rest, and you realize that you are right back at the beginning of the stupid tunnel again.

So how have you people been?