just back from a hearty meal at an aunt's... another free loading exercise... i seem to have quite an expertise at free-loading, and years of experience has only allowed me to fine-tune it to an art...
for example, right now, i am in the big city, staying with a friend... she cooks most meals, gives me free career advice, wakes me up in the mornings, nags me into using trains (long story), etc... but on rare occasions she leaves me to fend for myself... (she's a career woman with loads of people to meet, parties and weddings to attend and in a relationship... whereas i haven't had a career in a while, don't understand the point of parties, am phobic to weddings and haven't been in a reciprocated relationship for... hmm.. hmm... )
so, i woke up today to the quiet house... dragged myself to make my ginger tea... and wondered what to eat... you'll be amazed at the huge portion of my brain that revolves around food... i vetoed all ideas that involved my cooking, drew up my chart of people i know who live close by... i was already quite ravenously hungry... so finally i chose my closest aunt(geographically, if not genetically) and arrived on their doorstep, announced myself, ate my meals... i then asked them for today's newspaper, read it... made notes on a borrowed book with borrowed pen, both of which i brought back with me... and then after i coaxed a light snack and coffee out of them and a little television, i bid them adieu! and thus, today's foraging for food was quite well accomplished...free loading isn't all that difficult... some tips though if you're planning to try it soon... friends or murky relatives... nearly same rules... here they are... not in any particular order...
- try to laugh at all their jokes... if you don't get them or you think they're not funny, drink beer until you find them funny... but stop drinking before you have to throw up...
- act offended when they ask you plans that require your leaving their flat... like what are your plans for next month/year/decade/life etc
- in case of anything that needs your getting out of the apartment, do not walk out without a spare key... you might be 'accidentally' locked out... i have had bitter personal experiences...
- cooking in their kitchen is ok(not on the first day!!!)... but they seem to take exception when you burn milk in three different pots on three consecutive days... i now have another vessel with about an inch of milk-carbon on it... i am not sure what the best way is, to show J that...
- do not criticize them...no sitting in the another's glass house and throwing stones around... refrain from all constructive/destructive/creative criticism... not their food, not their pets, or their children or their other friends, their cooking, their choice in movies/reality shows/k-serials... NO! NO!!
- try not break too many stuff... glasses, plates, spoons, CDs... if you do, pretend it was the first time you were seeing the broken pieces...in the same category, vases are dangerous... stay away from them.. if they have flowers in them, you might knock them over and as a result, you'll have
1) broken vase with dangerous pointy shards2)water on the table which will drip down
3) to ruin the most expensive carpet in the house
and while you run around to find towels to soak the water, hang the carpet out to dry and congratulate yourself on removing all evidence of crime, you'll discover
4) the only copy of original divorce papers where some nincompoop had signed with the world's last fountain pen....
that's good enough for starters... if there's anything more, i'll probably tag on a second part later...
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